Heavy Heart

Two weeks ago today we gathered to celebrate your life. It all didn't seem real. It still doesn't. I have no regrets...we said our I love you's. I hope you felt it the last time we spoke my deep love for you. I know its the natural order of things for a parent to leave this earth. But it doesn't make the pain any easier. You were supposed to grow old. You were supposed to have many years of retirement. You and mom were to travel the country every winter. Chasing the cold away.

My grief is so heavy like a weight I am unable to carry. It seems that everything I have is very fragile. That in a split second everything I hold dear will be gone.

I am not asking why...I trust that GOD knows what he is doing. I will need him more than ever to help me with this heavy heart that I carry around.

My Dad

 

I received a call early last thursday morning while I was sitting at my desk going through the usually morning ritual. I looked down at my cell phone, it was my youngest sister. I havent talked to my sister in two years. I knew it couldn't be good news. It wasn't, dad has been send to the hospital, come right away.

I dropped everything, not sure how I got to the hospital, the only thing on my mind was getting to him. I wanted to hug him, I wanted to let him know I was there. I wanted to tell him I love him.

As I approached his room in the ICU I caught my breathe, I didn't expect to see him bald, something that the cancer took from him. I looked around the room to all the people that were my family. They all seem to be strangers, but at that moment it didn't matter. It didn't matter for the next forty-eight hours. As time went on and dad hung on I spend this time really looking at my family.....they are me....they are my people. I am in each one of them. Communication was minimal but that was ok. Most of my time was spend in prayer. Of course it wasn't long until my family arrived for support of me. It felt amazing to have my boys and their families there.

It wasn't until Friday evening before dad came to enough for me to tell him that I love him and that he could tell me through all the tubes down his throat. Now I sit.....in prayer, as I encourage him to fight this.

Weekends............

I love weekends. It is a time for those never ending Pinterest projects. Oh how I love pinterest. Friday night was dinner, Mexican of course. Can't seem to get enough of me some salsa and chips. Its a weekly meal for us. One day my garden will be big enough to can me some of that tomato yumminess of salsa. Its a another project on a list to be done in the near future.

I seems to have many of those lists......but they are lists that do get done and oh how I love getting them done.

 

My love and I packed a cooler and drove our little boat out to the nearest lake. We are lake people. The water the quietness of just him and I rocking on that boat is pure heaven. Can't get enough of the lake life. Of course D had to bring a pole. He can't be around water and not fish. It's his love. I am good with that because my love is eating them.

 

We are adjusting to this new empty nesting thing. It's a process. When your whole married life is to take care of those beautiful little people your not sure what to do when its just the two of you. We are in that stage where we look at each other like what do we do now. The beauty of it all is that we can do what ever we want when we want......I can get used to this for sure.

 

 

Today is Sunday. The closing of our beautiful weekend. The day we thank God for all that we have. The day we prepare for the week ahead. The day we relax, slow down, rest up for the week ahead. And make another list for the projects for the next weekend.

Huntington Drive

 

 

This past month D and I became empty nesters. It is such a bitter sweet thing. I love that my babies are on there own.....

The thing is that my whole life is on one street in a small town that we live. Both my boys

there wives and their babies. It's not often that a mom can say that. Siblings living a few doors down from each other.

Then there is our Stephanie. She is a big city kind of girl. New York is home but will be living in Chicago for a couple of years.

I started this blog today to document our lives, our faith, our hopes and dreams. Also, I would like to through in my favorite thing to do....decorate!